A level 3 dungeon for 5e

I have recently realized that I have never actually played any of these high-crunch tactical grid combat modern heroic RPGs as intended. Reading about encounter balance and all that actually got me interested in a more formulaic, structured game as an experiment. So I joined a 5e "westmarch" server ran by a friend and started running.

Notes about the balance of this one: The characters start at level 3 and there are three of them. There are piles of magic items and gold as despite starting at third, the party has no extra equipment. The group is expected to be able to finish all 3rd level content in one adventuring day, take a long rest, then return to finish up the adventure which should take them to 5th level.

The Hook:

An entrance to a dungeon has been unearthed recently, a few days of walking from the nearest settlement. Another, weaker party has recently ventured in, but have never returned. 

The Map:

 

  

The Key:

1. Entrance room. Stairs lead up, outside of the dungeon. Party will notice the dungeon is in bad repair, moist and overgrown with moss, dungeon grass and other vegetation. Table in the south-east corner is overflowing with rotting food. Hidden amongst the decay is key number 1.
2. There is a gelatinous cube in the western alcove. Within the cube there floats a Shield +1 (emblazoned with an eye, whole shield transparent from the wielders perspective) and a Belt of Gender Bending (braided blue with a silver buckle). To the east there is what seems like an archway to nowhere. Searching that spot will reveal a secret door.
3. On the eastern wall there is chalk writing "Beware of the gelatinous cube to the south". North-west corner is overgrown with a huge bush. Investigation will reveal a heavily overgrown and dangerous crawlspace that only parties with a ranger may travel through. In another corner there is a discarded backpack containing 300gp, a coil of rope, a torch, a Healing Potion, a holy symbol and a whistle.
4. This room is occupied by a small group of a false ogre and three orcs. The false ogre is wearing Gauntlets of Ogre Strength and will revert back into a normal orc should they be removed. A few benches and weights are placed in the room which they use for excercise. They have a Potion of Climbing, an Immovable Rod and 600gp hidden in a locked chest. The ogre has the key.
5. Six identical statues stand in two rows depicting armored warriors. A Magic Mouth announces to "Speak the command word!". The command word is "Sheakorak". Upon activation the statues will announce that each will perform one service. If asked to fight treat them as Animated Armor. Statue 2 will actually behave randomly when its time to act, and statue 6, which radiates evil if detected for, will betray and backstab the party given the opening.
6. A place of horrible slaughter - the floor is covered with the blood and guts of 4 adventurers torn to bits by claws and fangs. They have already been looted, but one of them is laying on a plaque which fell to the floor. The word "Sheokorak" is inscribed on it.
7. A wandering Dungeon Merchant has set up shop in this room. He is a cloak covered figure, with two large glowing eyes and smile under the hood being the only distinct features. Detects lies, never lies himself, cannot be haggled with but might accept exchanges, never engages in combat and immediately teleports away with his inventory should violence or thievery be attempted. All of these qualities are immediately apparent to anyone who sees him. His wares are displayed on the table next to him in the south-west corner of the room:
   Key number 2 (merchant will gladly disclose that the keys are used to open the double door to room 18) for 100gp
   Boots of Striding and Springing for 500gp
   Half-empty Keoghtoms Ointment (2 uses) for 200gp
   Golden Acorn (immediately grows into a great oak when thrown into soil) for 200gp.
   The left door north is locked (DC18), the key held by the skeleton sniper.
8. A powerful Skeleton Sniper (as skeleton, armed with longbow, 2 attacks, 24 dex, 17 AC) equipped with Bracers of Archery takes cover here behind a wooden barricade. He will fire upon anyone crossing the chalk line (dotted line down south) and try to run if they approach from another direction. Firing at him from south will yield no effects as long as the barricade stands. He is aware of the secret door to the west.
9. A statue of a thinking man stands by the west wall of this room. His head is backwards, facing the ceiling. Anyone touching this magical object will have their highest and lowest ability score swap values. Obviously, this only works once per person. This effect can be undone by Greater Restoration or winning a deadly fight while pretending to be a different class, say a heavy armor fighter could try a rogue-like approach, or a wizard could take up a greataxe and mimick a barbarian. Both methods are apparent to the one cursed.
10. This room belongs to a group of six goblins. Their arrows are poisoned, dealing extra d10 poison damage on a hit should a DC13 constitution save be failed. This poison disappears after four hours without dipping it in goblin piss. Their sleeping places, packs and piss pots are by the northern wall. 3000sp can be discovered if those are searched. The door west is barred. Generally, the goblins are positioned by the southern exit, ready to ambush anyone going down the corridor where they have discovered a pit trap. (Passive perception of 16 or better to notice seams and slight sagging of the floor. Opens when heavy weight is placed on it, such as two adventurers, dropping them down 10' and onto goblin-placed punji sticks dealing 2d10 damage unless a DC14 dexterity saving throw is passed. A 1-foot ledge around the pit is safe to travel.)
11. The stairs from south go down 15' into this 5' deep pool of opaque shit-water. An Otyugh inhabits the pool, and will telepathically prompt anyone standing on the edge of the balcony above to jump in. It can reach people standing on the balcony with its tentacles, but not if they are in the corridor behind it. If no targets present themself, the otyugh hides under the balcony until they go away. It is too big to pursue through the door on top of the stairs.
    Given a search, a clogged grate will be revealed on the western wall. At the end of the pipe behind it there is a room with a slide that goes god knows where and a chest of treasure containing 800gp, a Robe of Powerlessness (brown with silver trim), a Healing Potion, a Potion of Hill Giant Strength and a Club +1 (a good looking stick)
12. This room is filled with a tranquil aura and faint blue light emanating from a magical fountain by the southern wall. The fountain is a statue of a woman in robes pouring from a flask, and the water in the pool under it is perfectly clean. Drinking from it restores 2d8 HP, but only works once per day for any given person. The door west is sealed with holy writs and wax, standard way to ward off evil forces. The sealing may be trivially removed given a few minutes.
13. A dank malignant aura fills this room. At the far end there is a withered corpse of an armored man. He has the following items in his pack: Scroll of Cure Wounds, a rip-activated Scroll of True Strike and 700gp. He is wearing Adamantine Plate Armor however the item is ruined now and must be repaired for 1500gp to be usable.There are several alcoves along the walls here filled with piles of bones, yielding a Scroll of Light and 250gp if searched. Disturbing any feature of this room will cause the corpse to emit an ear-piercing shriek, awakening 3 Skeletons and 4 Shadows.
14. Two one-way doors lead to this room, seemingly locking the party in. There is key number 3 on the floor here. A plaque on the eastern wall reads "You are stuck here forever!". The simplest way to escape this room is via the secret door to the north. Random encounters do not appear here.
15. Upon entering this room by the north-western door the wimpy orc hiding behind a wooden wall will pull the trigger on a triple crossbow trap which performs three attacks at +8 to hit against the opener, each dealing d12 damage on a hit. He is likely to surrender if whatever went through isn't killed by that. He hid 200gp in his little fort. A pile of rubble in the south-east corner conceals a secret door.
16. This is the surveilance room of Mage Delimal, the current lord of this dungeon. It appears to have been hurriedly abandoned minutes before the party arrives. Alchemical equpment worth 350gp is sitting on tables here. In many drawers and chests around the room there can be found several useful items mixed in between wizardly junk: Potion of Healing, Wand of Magic Detection, Amulet Of Proof Against Detection And Location. Searching this room is not without risk - one of the drawers is full of yellow mold. On one of the walls there is a large number of glass balls showing sights from many invisible arcane cameras spread around the dungeon. Spot marked "Main Ball" is glaringly empty. There is one such screen for every non-secret area except room 18, leaving very few blind spots. Close examination and a successful DC15 investigation check will reveal that one of the cameras is suspiciously pointing at the wall leading to room 17.
17. By the western wall there stands a large painted statue of a demonic being with two heads, one of a goat, the other of a wolf, body and and four man-like arms holding real scimitars, legs of a spider, wings of an eagle and four ruby eyes worth 350gp each. Should it be interacted with, it animates with the statistics of two manticores without tail spikes.
18. This is the main room of Mage Delimal where he resides together with his two Tiger familiars. The only door leading here has three keyholes which must be activated simultaneously by the three numbered keys found around the dungeon. Delimal may simply pass through it as if it wasn't there. He sits on a throne by the west end of the room, behind him there is a treasure hoard containing the following: Lesser Scroll of Weapon Upgrade, Main Ball, 1000gp worth of silver coins, self portraits and monster paintings. There is a massive 10'x25' empty dining table with many chairs along it in this room as well.

Spikes - A weight-activated trap which causes thin steel spikes to strike out from holes in the floor dealing 6d4 damage to every frontliner, half on a DC14 dexterity save. Passive perception of 15 or better notices thumb-sized holes dotting the floor.
Three blades - A scything blades trap activated by pressure plate. Passive perception of 15 or better notes three thin and long seams in the wall. Deals 3d8 slashing damage, half on a DC14 dexterity save to all characters in a 10' cube, which is likely the two frontliners of the party.
Flame - A continual flame torch is attached to the wall here. It will stop working when removed. It shines bright light for 30' and dim light 30' beyond that.
TP - circular, bound teleporters. Will transport anyone stepping through to the other one.

Random Encounters:

Every time the party backtracks, spends plenty of time in a room or makes a loud noise, roll a d6, on a 1 an encounter appears. Random encounters are always Easy, whatever that means for any given party. Example encounters for 3rd level: 5 giant rats, 2 orcs, 9 fire beetles.

Homebrew Parts unexplained above:

• Belt of Gender Bending - The only effect of this minor cursed item is reversing the physical sex of the wearer. It may not be removed until a Remove Curse is cast, but thereafter it ceases to be cursed at all and may be equipped and unequipped freely. It appears as a Belt of Hill Giant Strength to identification.
  
• Rip-activated scroll - To activate this scroll one must rip it, which takes as long as the casting time of the spell and generally requires both hands.
• Robe of Powerlessness -  A horrible cursed item which appears as a Robe of Protection to identification, but actually reduces the wearers intelligence and strength to 3 and prevents them from using any of their magical powers. The robe can be removed easily, but only a Remove Curse followed by two casts of Enhance Ability will restore power to the victim.
• Something having the statistics of two monsters means doubled hit points and number of attacks.
• Mage Delimal - Stats of a Mage, possesses two portent dice, has a constitution score of 16 hence 67HP, sees all invisible things, knows all spells known by normal mages except for fireball which he replaceswith lughtning bolt, all divination spells and the following extra ones which take the form of blasting horrible insights directly into the targets brain: Mind Sliver, Mind Spike, Raulothim's Psychic Lance, Synaptic Static. He is armed with the following magic items: Arcane Grimoire +1, Robe of Protection, Scroll of Counterspell and a Potion of Heroism which he drinks to prepare for the group. He used to be a barbarian but has taken a liking to magic after touching the statue in room 9. He wears blue robes and has no hair at all, with geometric patterns and a fake beard tattooed on in its place. He has taken over this location and is currently engaged in research about how dungeons work, spying on its inhabitants via the surveilance network and performing many experiments. Even though adventurers are a natural part of a dungeon life cycle, Delimal is furious that the party dares interfere in his experiments and is willing to kill them unless they return all treasures and promise to never return. While in room 18 he has a more difficult time spying on the goings-on of the dungeon as he uses the Main Ball which observes only one chosen arcane camera at a time. His two cats are utterly loyal, never take damage from his spells and are guilty of wiping out the previous adventuring party.
• Lesser Scroll of Weapon Upgrade - This rip-activated scroll targets one non-magical weapon and enchants it to grant a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls.
• Main Ball - This Crystal Ball is powered by an air elemental imprisoned inside. With Delimals death the enchantments binding it there fail and the sphere begins cracking, releasing the venegful spirit after three rounds. The elemental will seek to unload its rage on the closest living being, likely the PCs. With the destruction of the main ball, all arcane cameras in the dungeon cease to function.

Breakdown and Notes:

XP awards from winning encounters:

Level 3:

Gelatinous Cube - 450xp

False Ogre, 3 Orcs - 1500xp

Animated Statue traitor - 200xp

Skeleton Sniper - 450xp

6 Goblins with poison - 600xp

Otyugh - 1800xp

4 Shadows, 3 Skeletons - 1375xp

Orc with crossbow trap - 100xp

Total: 6475xp

Level 4:

Double-manticore statue - 2100xp

Mage Delimal, two Tigers - 6400xp

Air Elemental - 1800xp

Total: 10300xp

Treasure:

Level 3 - 3500gp, 8 permanent, 11 consumable, 2 cursed

Level 4 - 2400gp, 3 permanent

items counted here are those that the party is actually expected to acquire and use

You know, 5e adventurers are way tougher than the actual system math would suggest. Theorethically this is over twice the daily XP budget that the adventurers are supposed to do without long rests, but a decently built party can absolutely overcome it.

The Magic-User (ATLOG class)

The Magic User

The practice of magic is twisting one's brain into aberrant forms as to accomodate the hyperdimensional patterns of spells and to withstand the retention their otherworldly fuel. After all, magic is the domain of gods, spirits and monsters, not mortals, and one cannot think like a mortal if they desire this power.

You may only wear light armor and use basic weapons: daggers, staves, darts, slings

A Magic, Patterns, +4 spells known
B Arcana, +1 arcanum
C +1 arcanum
D Wizardry, +1 arcanum

A - Magic: You have a number of Magic Dice equal to your templates. You may memorize up to [templates+1] spells. When casting from your head, your spells go off at initiative. Casting from a book you are holding takes several rounds and is impractical in combat. You may change one memorized spell per hour of rest. All spellcasting requires loud chants, exaggerated somatics and complete concentration. If it is disrupted by damage or another such event before the spell is finished, the magic does not come to effect. To learn a spell you must acquire a page the full pattern is written on or research it yourself.

A - Patterns: You know one of these forms of arcane notation: Black, White, Red, Blue. This determines what spells you have access to, including your starting ones. All magic-users begin with the spell Wizard Eyes, included in the 4.

• Black - Twisted script of the underworld, used for necromancy and other extremely vile magics. Users get burnt on the stake if found out but can see in the dark.
• White - Formulaic script of the church, used mostly for healing and restoration. Users can turn unholy.
• Red - Chaotic script based on sorceries and elemental powers, used for destructive spells. Users have an affinity for a chosen element, resisting its damage and adding [dice] to the damage of spells that use it. Classics are fire, frost and lightning.
• Blue - Fractal script created from observing the stars and studying psionic brains, used for the widest variety of spells. Users have no special benefits.

More types of magical scripts exist, such as the green “script” of the druids or geometric gray script of the dwarves, however they must be found during play.

B - Arcana: You begin grasping at the deeper truths and underlying patterns of magic itself. Every level you may select a number of arcana from those you are aware of. The following list of 10 is known by every magic-user, but more can be found during play. All of them can be acquired without levelling by special training, but access to it is limited enough as to be equal to powerful magic items in rarity, price and difficulty to acquire.

D - Wizardry: Your magical expertise is now high enough for you to create magical items and train apprentices.

Arcana:
* means you can take it multiple times for different spells.

1. Blasting - You have learned to shoot bolts of deadly energy by the use of special blasting powder. As a bow-range handcannon on the first round of combat, as a bow thereafter. Counts as magical with a bonus equal to a third of your level. Each shot is 20gp, a pouch holds 12.
2. Severance - You have complete knowledge of the state of all enchantments and spells you have cast and can end any chosen one with a thought. Counterspell can work against already established spells.
3. Nullaura - Any changes to your body due to wizardry can be hidden with a thought. You do not sense as a magic user by any form of detection if you do not wish to be. You can cast spells wordlessly.
4. Chaoscast - You may draw on the destructive elemental energies for any big and flashy spell you cast adding +1 MD to the roll and taking its result as damage. Straight up fucking explode on a triple.
5. Permanency* - Cast one spell of your choice which affects only you. The duration becomes permanent. The spell might twist your body in some appropriate manner.
6. Reversal - You may cast any spell in exact reverse manifesting effects that are opposite in some way.
7. Spellmeld - Choose one spell. Your brain twists to perfectly internalize it. Its always prepared for free, you retain MD on rolls of 1-4 and you become an expert in everything the spell is about
8. Gentleness* - Choose one spell. Whenever you cast it the first die is not counted for mishaps, dooms or exhaustion - it simply returns to your pool safely while adding to [sum].
9. Amplify - Take fatigue and damage equal to MD to cast a spell at maximum possible power using all of your remaining dice. This doesn't cause mishaps or dooms but exhausts all your dice.
10. Counterspell - In reaction to seeing a spell being cast you may cast a spell of your own. If it’s opposite to what's being cast (such as an ice wall against a fireball) subtract your own [sum] and [dice] from the opposing spell. Overshooting your counter applies the remaining effects to the original caster.

Wizard Eyes
D: 1 hour R: self
Baseline spell known by any magic user. When under its effects the users eyes go through a weird transformation of the players choosing.
At 1 [dice] allows the detection of magic in the form of vague glowing auras.
At 2 [dice] the resolution improves, allowing vague sensing of invisible objects and determination of the strength of magic.
At 3 [dice] the precision is high enough as to exactly pinpoint invisible objects, read invisible script and identify the kind of magic and at a low chance the presence of curses from the shape and subtle color of the aura.
At 4 [dice] the spell is considered Truesight, piercing illusions, magical darkness and other such obfuscations but losing previous effects.
Finally, at 5 [dice] this spell should, according to theory, reveal the true nature of existence to the caster allowing their gaze to pierce all falsehoods. User goes catatonic, the only cure being to forget.

Fighting-Man (Not overpowered this time) (ATLOG Class)

What's ATLoG? Well, it's my gloghack. This is how I'm introducing it. What's under the acronym is actually very simple to guess, so I will not insult the readers' intelligence by spelling it out.
Noteworthy things about it:

• It's based on OD&D
• Has no ability scores
• Only has two classes (this is one of them) 

I will share it when it's finished.
In any case, here it the class.

The Fighting Man

There are many kinds of fighting men, trying to list them all would be folly. Know, however, that they are never mere common footmen or civilians driven to take up arms - a fighting-man is someone cut above the masses by the virtue of their affinity for violence... and willingness to use it.

You may freely use all conventional battle equipment.

Gain a [templates+1] bonus to damage, toHit and double that to HP

A Versatile, +2 Abilities
B Second Wind, +1 Ability
C Technique, +1 Ability
D +1 Super-Ability

A - Versatile: Every level you may select a number of abilities from those you are aware. The following list of 20 is known by every fighting-man, but more can be found during play. All of them can be acquired without levelling by difficult training, but access to such training is limited enough as to be equal to powerful magic items in rarity, price and difficulty to acquire.

B - Second Wind: As an action heal as if you had taken a short rest. Regain the use of this ability after taking a short rest normally.

C - Technique: You have finally become badass enough to perform special attacks. Unfortunately you do not know any yet, and will not gain them from levelling. Go and find them, the first one you find can be learnt instantly.

Abilities:

1. Banneret - Your voice can be heard over crowds and combat. If you are appointed the leader of the group you always win initiative ties and you give [level] temporary HPs that last a round to an ally who listens to your command to attack.
2. Battlemage - Gain a save against spell disruption and cast even with your hands occupied. You can also use scrolls if you couldn't before.
   
3. Defender - You count as a wall for the purposes of line of sight, cover and forced movement. Shields give you +1 AC.
4. Destroyer - Apply overkill damage to other enemies in reach of your melee weapon or path of ranged attack. You can finish a melee cleave by throwing the weapon. If you wish so, foes you defeat are strewn about the battlefield in pieces.
   
5. Gadabout - When entering a new city there is a [level]-in-6 chance that you know [dice result] people there. Make a reaction roll for each, worst case scenario you owe them or they don't like you all that much. You have the same chance to know a tidbit of lore about practically anything you encounter. Your rumour-scrounging always produces maximum results and you know if any given one is completely fake. You can use improvised weapons as if they were real weapons.
6. Green Cloak - You belong to a ranger organization and thus you always know the compass direction, if you forage while travelling you find enough food for [level] people, are comfortable in any weather and predict it a day in advance.
7. High-Class Professional - Your slices and stabs are silent, and if you strike someone down in one blow they don't even yell out. Add +d6 damage to your blows if you have advantage. You always have a dagger on your person, hidden so well as to be undetectable without stripping you naked.
8. Horseman - You may emphatically communicate with any thinking creature you are in skin-to-skin contact with, you can fight at full ability mounted on anything, you and your mount count as one creature, using the better AC and Save value and choosing how you distribute damage amongst yourself whenever hit.
9. Iron-Handed - Your fists count as sledgehammers, your hooked fingers as a crowbar, cupped hands as shovels and your firm grip as a vice.
   
10. Lightbringer - In your hands a lantern counts as a shield and a torch as a mace. Torches will not go out if you use them in melee. Rubbing your hands together for a bit works like a tinderbox. You are favored by entities related to light and flame.
11. Panache - Your fighting has style. Rather than kill you can nonlethally embarrass the foe in a way that prevents them from being a problem any longer. If you win a fight with a challenging foe without causing undeserved or disproportionate harm, people who don't like you reroll their reaction with a +2. This even works on people you've defeated before.
12. Poet - When you use an instrument your speed is not halved and activation of bardsong is automatic. Your words can count as weapons which deal emotional damage of your choice on a failed save. Doing that still takes your attack and people can tell when you do that.
    
13. Powder Monkey - Ignore penalties for fighting in smoke and using ranged attacks in melee. You can manufacture your own masterwork bullets. Powder you carry can not get wet or get ruined otherwise when tightly packed.
    
14. Raised by Wolves - You do not leave tracks as you travel and thanks to your wolf-like sense of smell and an even better sense of taste you may follow all tracks and hunt with ease.
15. Second-Story Worker - Your steps are silent and you tend to “blur” into the surroundings if immobile. Anything a human could climb with tools and preparation you can climb with your body alone, walls beyond human ability will be a little tricky for you. Begin combat anywhere where you could run in one round ignoring creatures.
16. Sharpshooter - You may create special ammunition on the fly. Double the range of all your ranged attacks, fire a bow from any position and ignore penalties for shooting past allies.
    
17. Sticky Fingers - Open locks, pick pockets, fiddle with traps and clockwork, perform legerdemain and stealthily perform somatic components with ease. All of your inventory slots count as quickslots.
18. Swordcaller - You instinctively know all qualities of any weapon you see. Intelligent weapons will call to you from within their dungeons letting you know their location if they would like to be wielded by you.
19. Tricky Footwork - You may perform a combat maneuver in place of your movement. Perform and defend against maneuvers at +2.
20. Reliable - Ignore 2 points of penalties to attack rolls, automatically succeed on tasks that have a 90% or better chance and always deal at least 1 point of damage, even on a miss.

Super-Abilities:

1. Heroic Might - You gain strength equal to that of an ogre, increasing your damage by d6 if the attack would depend on it (all melee, thrown weapons, specifically made bows)
2. Invincible Physique - Your bones are stronger than steel (never break a bone and skip helmets), your blood is thick and clots easily (resist poison and bleeding), your skin glows with vitality (immune to disease), your natural lifespan doubles and your rest healing is always maximized.
3. Fleet as the Wind - Your speed increases by 2, ignore falling damage and perform absurd acrobatics like wallrunning or 2m verticals.
4. Blank Slate - After killing a foe, you may steal one of their features. You can only do this again if you discard your previous stolen ability.

Abilities rumored to exist:

1. Oathbound
2. Mage Hunter
3. Slayer
4. Psych Up

Special attacks rumored to exist:

1. Four Inner Winds
2. Triple Slash Dash
3. Heroic Leap
4. Gentle Touch
   

D&D shields SUCK, here is how to FIX them

The shield is one of the oldest and most fundamental tool of defense. You always first want a shield, then a helmet, then start armoring up the rest of the body. Two handed weapons only really became popular after plate armor was invented, since a shield doesn't offer much when all of your body is metal-covered. And here's my gripe: The mechanic of a shield providing a flat AC bonus can never accurately simulate their true function due to how AC works, that is, the higher it is the more value from each further point. If the bonus is too small the shield is worthless in the hands of an unarmored man, if the bonus is too large then they become too appealing for those heavily armored.
So here I walk in with my magnum opus, perhaps the best house rule I have ever created - the bonus of a shield is determined by armor worn: +4 for an unarmored person, -1 for each "tier" of armor, down to +1 at heavy armor.
This rule effectively creates two AC tracks, so for a shieldless person unarmed / light / medium / heavy armor has 10 / 12 / 14 / 16 AC respectively (or 9 / 7 / 5 / 3 with descending AC), while one with a shield would have 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 AC (5 / 4 / 3 / 2).
This rule has many upsides: It keeps the balance of the standard game by preserving the maximum non-magic AC, it makes the archetype of "guy with a tunic, shield and sword" viable and gives meaning to the otherwise useless chainmail +1 item.
If you plan on using it also keep in mind these things: shields do not work against attacks from behind, can be broken and still take up a hand.

About shield breaking, that should happen through some kind of critical attack effect or such, absolutely do NOT add any kind of rule that allows you to reduce damage/prevent an attack by intentionally shattering them. Shield are meant to absorb blows, how could it be possible to choose to break yours after an attack? And if you say it's the player choosing, not the PC, then that's a disconnect between the two, which is practically always bad. Those rules lead to characters carrying as many backup shields as they can, which is ridiculous, don't really work when shields of the magical variety start appearing, slow down combat, give players a get-out-of-jail-free card should they be about to die, and make shield disproportionately more appealing than two-handing or such.

ZMAD - Zombies Must All Die

 I have a self-destructive habit of starting a daily updates PBP game once in a while. They just call to me, y'know? When I was making this system I really wanted to do something post-apo and something that fits in one discord message. In the end the game didn't work out - it was very time consuming to do every update, and with many players I had to do many updated. Daily. Yeah, I burnt out. In any case, here it is.

Z = Zombie

Stats

Distribute 15 points. Roll over on d12 to fail on a check. Slots equal to stat. Down to 0 = Death

(V)itality: Physical ability. Slots for Equipment, 3 are Quick. Reduced by I, F, H, D
(B)rain: Remembering, searching, magicking. Slots for Skill, Mindset, Psychic Power. Reduced by T

Start with half filled V slots + 1 Skill (name of your job)

+1 stat point after each:
- Escape a horde
- Kill 12 Z
- Learn the truth about infection
- Make a name for yourself
- Big goal chosen by you

Statuses

(D)amage: from getting hit
(F)atigue: from exertion. -2 from sleep, -1 if you had a watch
(H)unger: from not eating for a day. -1 by eating double
(I)nfection: from interaction with contamination
(T)rauma: from stressful events. -1 by indulging

Equipment

* Two slots
! Loud
~ Long range

Ammo: Specific to weapon
Armor: Block 1 Damage. 25% it breaks. Always in Quick
Battery: rechargeable
Bomb!: wipe a room
Chainsaw!*: Kill 15 Z per Gas. Roll V or gain I
Crossbow*~: Kill 10 Z per Ammo, 1 in a hurry. Roll B to recover Ammo
Energy Drink: -2 F
Flashlight: Unlimited light
Gas: Universal fuel
Handgun!: Kill 10 Z per Ammo, 5 in a hurry
Lure!~: attract Z at range
Lockpicks: Unlock stuff
Med: -2 D
Pills: -2 I or T
Rifle!*~: Kill 20 Z per Ammo, 5 in a hurry
Ration: Live 2 days
Tape: Hotfix
Tool*: Kill a Z. Roll V, on fail gain F. On 12 gain I
Toolbox: Fix mechanisms

Improvised items are freely available

Playing

You're a survivor, the 0.1% resistant to airborne spread
Every day state your route on the map. You can go 3km/h in cities
Travel between locations and scavenge for resources needed to survive while trying to reach milestones
The ZM has tables to determine what and who you find in different places

Hints

Loud noises, strong smells, radio waves and the night activate the Z
Normal Zs aren't a big issue, but be careful about the Special types. Eat their brain for a Psychic Power
Don't get outnumbered. Find allies. Nobody survives on their own

I have also made notes for running the game. Quite unfinished.

Guidance for Zombie Masters

treasure rations are never tainted. Contaminated food is readily available in any city. Up to the survivor if they’d rather starve or be Infected

Locations have many Areas, think points of interest. Places that are worthwhile or might contain useful gear.
All survivors have a tiny degree of immunity, which will possibly improve as they are exposed to the Infection. They do not know this. It begins at 5% and improves by that % every time it activates. Upon reaching 100% all I on them will be purged.

Special types are powerful Z with special abilities. They are worth 5 normal Z at least, roughly needing a mag to be dumped in them to slay. They can see well and attack anything that moves indiscriminately. Eating the brain of a SZ awards a lot of infection, trauma, and a Psychic Power.

Examples:
Blade master - red, two bone swords instead of arms, no jaw. 20 Z equivalent. Foreshadowed by lesser blade zombies (like 2Z each) appearing, and a wide area of the city being empty. Bone blades work like Tool but take one slot. Psychic Power gained from eating the brain is having one arm turn into a blade, psychic control over lesser blade Z and melee without risk.
Hulk
Spitter
Tank
Coordinator
Nightmare
Rogue
Behemoth

Classis for (overpowered) fighters

The Classis:

A - Combat Expertise, two class abilities, one usually defensive
B - Athletics, extra ability
C - pseudo-magical ability
D - Heroic Stature, powerful capstone

Combat Expertise - Gain +1 toHit and HP per level and +1 attack per round on templates B and D. Never fumble on attacks. Know basic things against the foes you face: AC, HD, toHit, number and damage of attacks.

Athletics - Many physical tasks such as lifting, running, climbing, jumping, swimming or holding your breath are done with [level] times the efficiency of a person with your ability scores. It can translate to output, speed, endurance or something else, but only one at a time ie. you can either run [level] times faster at a normal distance or [level] times longer with normal speed. This only affects combat speed if all you do in a round is sprint.

Heroic Stature - If you made it this far you must be destined for great things. If that somehow wasn't the case already, people start speaking of your exploits and you will definitely be remembered for generations after your death. Also, you can hurt creatures that require magic even if you don't have such means of attack.

High level fighters are generally unbothered by very weak enemies, doubly so if with a powerful party.

Many fighter powers are just skills. If you find someone willing and able to teach you and have a month spare, you could learn abilities above and beyond those granted by your class.

[level] is a variable so read it as a number, level is just a word.


The Classes:

you put their templates on top of the classis


Rogue

Skill: 1. Burglar 2. Bard 3. Ranger 4. Locksmith

Equipment: Light armor, shortbow, quiver with arrows, lockpicks, rope, shortsword, two daggers, chosen object that's magical in a very subtle way

A - Avoidance, Opportunist
B - Skill
C - Suppress/Magnify
D - Supreme Ability

Avoidance - If you succeed on a save you avoid all damage, and take half even if you fail. You have advantage against things that would restrain, slow or immobilize you.

Opportunist - You have 50% odds to ignore being surprised. When not surprised you can choose for yourself an advantageous position to begin combat in. It must be a spot that you could have reached with 1 round of movement, ignoring other creatures.

Skill - Athletics also applies to tasks like sneaking, hiding, lock picking, trap removal, tinkering, legerdemain, pick pocketing, contortionism, improvising use of magic, understanding old languages, entertainment and whatever else you can get your DM to allow.

Suppress/Magnify - At will you manipulate your social presence. Suppressing it makes you indistinct, easy to ignore, overlook and forget. Magnifying it makes you the most important person in the room, drawing everyone's attention and probably making them shut up and listen as you talk.

Supreme Ability - Thrice per day you can declare that you did something retroactively. If this causes continuity issues, explain them away or ignore them. It must have been non-impossible for you to have done that or the ability fails. The DM is expected to be very lenient with what is considered “non-impossible”.
Examples: You brought just the right item for the situation or hid it nearby and just remembered it, the monster can't grab you as you were covered in grease the whole time, your are not found as you actually hid in a different place, you took the key off of the guard and nobody noticed, oh and also you replaced the guard with your own guy beforehand.

I don't subscribe to the idea that thieves are a separate thing from a light armor fighter. Kinda funny because this Rogue doesn't even need to be lightly equipped. The class is a little unusual because it's the least combat focused out of all the fighters. Progression is also odd because the most important ability comes at template B.


Ironclad

Skill: 1. Knight 2. Blacksmith 3. Broken Hearted Romantic 4. Veteran

Equipment: Rough plate armor, two shields, warhammer, locket with the image of a loved one, iron endoprosthetics, spiked boots

A - Defense, Cursed
B - Ironflesh
C - Pressure
D - Freedom OR Adamantine

Defense - You are a wall for the purposes of line of sight, cover and forced movement.

Cursed - Your skin is cold and hard, your sense of touch and pain are numb, you can Feign Death at will and gain +1 AC on odd levels.

Ironflesh - The density of your body is roughly 10g/cm³. You can still move somewhat normally but Athletics requires momentum to use. You still take the usual amount of damage from falls and blows. What this feature means for you: many floors crack under you, you literally can't be pushed around, running into something is like a car crash, you sink worse than a stone and probably much more.

Pressure - At will, over the course of one round you can start emitting an aura of horrible cursed energy and crushing pressure on everyone nearby. Weakest beings drop onto the ground and can't get up, fliers must land or take doubled falling damage falling to the ground, all movement speed is halved and projectiles have -2 toHit.

Freedom - You can turn on and off the effects of Ironflesh and all curses affecting you at will. Keep in mind conservation of energy.

Adamantine - Your body weighs [level] tons, your flesh has a dark sheen to it and is as durable as adamantine. Your unarmored AC is as heavy armor +3, +10 maximum HP, non-magic attacks of any kind can't hurt you, base speed divided by four, always lose initiative, you can't really relate to normal people anymore and others think of you more as a lifelike construct than a person.

Warrior

Skill: 1. Farm Boy 2. Soldier 3. Apprentice 4. Monster Hunter

Equipment: Chainmail, Shield or bow and arrows, 3 chosen weapons

A - Parry, Notches
B - Versatile Fighting
C - Killing Intent
D - Lordly Might

Parry - Once per round reduce damage from a melee attack against you by your toHit bonus, or half if it's ranged. Riposte with your own melee or ranged attack if it reduces the damage to 0.

Notches - Negative ability modifiers do not affect your combat performance. Record your kills with each weapon. At 10, 20, 30 and 50 pick one:
+1 damage per hit
+1 critical range
Special ability negotiated with the DM

Versatile Fighting - You understand all properties of a weapon given a minute of examination or a few test swings. In place of movement you can make one free unarmed attack or maneuver attempt. Gain a +2 bonus to all maneuvers.

Killing Intent - You automatically hit enemies half your power or weaker, rolling only to see if you crit. You also get an extra gaze attack which lets you run a mini duel within your mindscape. The loser is shaken, covered in sweat and falls down defeated after the “duel” is over.

Lordly Might - Parry applies to everything at full power, including spells, and can be used twice per round. You are permanently Magnified, as per the Rogue ability. 2d4 level 1 apprentices who want to train under you arrive, do what you want with them. You can rally an army very easily and quickly and lead up to [level]*100 men without breaking a sweat. The moment you establish a few safe hexes and a cool stronghold settlers will begin moving in.

Barbarian

Skill: 1. Viking 2. Conan 3. Mercenary

Equipment: massive greataxe, loincloth or girdle

A - Tough, Destroyer
B - Keen
C - Bloodlust
D - Conqueror

Tough - Once per round before the damage of an attack that hit you is rolled, take d6 damage in place of however much it would be otherwise. Your bare abs count as 12+[level] AC and you gain +1 HP per level. Permanently under the effects of non-magic Protection from Weather.

Destroyer - Score criticals on a roll of 18+. If you miss an attack you can reroll it, but enemies will have advantage on their next attack against you during their next round. In place of making several attacks you can make just one, multiplying the damage by the amount used.

Keen - You have advantage on saves against effects that you can see. You ignore surprise 50% of the time. Apply Athletics to survival and tracking type activities. If you swear to never use a spell or something similar to it you become magic resistant.

Bloodlust - At will you can unleash your primal ferocity and rush to battle. This is extremely horrifying to all reasonable folk. During a rage you can not do anything except run at the closest enemy and attack screaming incoherently and you do not know your HP total, but in return you become immune to all mind-based effects, Tough can trigger any number of times per round and your STR modifier increases by 1. A rage only ends if all enemies have been defeated. An ally that accidentally friendly-fire'd you counts as an enemy.

Conqueror - During a rage you always win initiative and if you would be incapacitated keep going for d4+1 (rolled in secret) extra rounds. Given a few weeks and lots of promises of treasure, plunder and glory you can summon an army of [level]d40 barbarians that will follow you as their warlord. Barbarians are usually the independent kind and if the promises are not kept they will run amok.

Glyph Kiddie

Skill: 1. magic school dropout 2. Failed Super Soldier 3. Vat Grown

Equipment: Chainmail, lead-lined helmet, “Spellbook”, 3 chosen non-armor battle items, self-made unidentifiable scroll

A - Arcane Binding, Dabbler
B - Blast
C - Discharge
D - Magical Might

Arcane Binding - Each of your arms is etched with tattoos of arcane sigils. You can bind an object to each, which will be summoned to your hand if you snap your fingers and sent to a pocket dimension when you snap again. Weapons bound like this count as magical. Binding an object takes a minute, unbinding one several hours. You must be able to lift (not necessarily wield) the object with one hand to bind it.

Dabbler - You have a very, very basic understanding of magic and can activate rituals and magic items meant for wizards. 1-in-10 chance to mess it up horribly, or up to 3-in-10 at DMs discretion.

Blast - Make a gesture with your hand to shoot out an elemental blast which hits unerringly for d8+[level] damage at up to 12” range. 1 charge on each arm. A 3 turn long ritual is required to recharge each arm, and your tattoos glow slightly based on the element inside. Choose the element each time you recharge.

Discharge - You gain 1 MD and only one real way to use it: an unfiltered discharge into your own body. Free action, for [sum] rounds you are surrounded by a bright magic aura, your eyes glow, lightning crackles around you and you gain two of the following spell effects: Feather Fall, Protection from Normal Missiles, Spider Climb, Jump, Mage Armor, Enhance Ability. You can't end this prematurely and each round that this is active you take [dice] damage. People tend to be freaked the fuck out when you do that.

Magical Might - You get a second MD. You figured out magic well enough to prevent mishaps. Detect magic by licking it. You can inscribe your legs with arcane tattoos which give movement abilities, like big jumps for fire, blinks for lightning, multi-jumps for ice or gliding for air. One charge for both legs, recharged the classic way. Using Discharge with 2 MD lets you activate all the spell effects at once.

Paladin

Skill: 1. Noble 2. Fated Hero 3. Monk 4. Altar Boy

Equipment: (prefix all items with holy) Plate armor, shield, sword, crotch flap, silver symbol, oath scroll, bottle that will give you light and show the way out when all hope is lost

A - Defense, Blessed
B - Lay on Hands
C - Radiance
D - Eminence

Defense - You are a wall for the purposes of line of sight, cover and forced movement.

Blessed - You are bound by an honor code and must be aligned with Good, so you must uphold your promises, never make deals with hellspawn and always help those in need. Gain +1 to saves on odd levels. +2 to saves or AC when something unholy would target you. If you do nothing but pray you are Protected from and detect Evil.

Lay on Hands - You inscribe your body with holy scriptures. This renders you immune to disease and by placing your palms on a creature you can cure its wounds restoring d6 HP. You can do this up to [level] times per day. If the creature is afflicted by a disease you can enter one on one combat with it. Diseases are usually at least as tough as an ogre.
If someone dies slowly in your hands, their death is painless and peaceful.

Radiance - You can release your inner radiance at will. This holy light blinds and turns away all that is unholy and evil. If you are much weaker than the evil force it gets a save. You can only store around a Turn of such light in you at a time and it takes around an hour for it to build up again.

Eminence - Your presence is inspiring, comforting, reassuring and perhaps almost regal. You attract a mighty 5+5 HD warhorse that can fly, but only when lit by the sun and for a worthy cause. Non-evil people instinctively trust you, you gain an extra save against curses even if you normally wouldn't get one and if you lead your allies to battle their toHit becomes half of yours if that helps them.

Deltas

Savagery - kill something that can bleed and put up a fight with nothing but your own body
Your teeth and nails count as light weapons.

Pass it on - Peacefully retire.
You become a friendly NPC and never adventure again. All future fighters made by this group begin at 10% of your total XP.

Magic Resistance - Fake delta. Acquire this power by other means.
You gain an extra save against any magical effect, even if it doesn't normally allow one. Succeeding on both negates the effect if it would normally be halved. The effect of success on an effect that doesnt normally allow saves is up to DM discretion.

OSR statblocks for a few chosen Fear & Hunger monsters

Striking enemies to destroy their body parts doesnt damage their total hitpoints. The list is not arranged in any particular order.

Salmonsnake
9HD, AC 15 (formerly-dragon skin)

Ambusher - invisible under the surface of the water until it attacks. As it emerges a large splash of water will extinguish all fires nearby, likely plunging the party into darkness.

Delicious - a meal cooked from its meat will fully heal all those who eat it.

Gnome egg appetite - will abandon combat if offered a gnome egg

Eye (4hp 20 AC) - destroying it reduces the number of smash attacks to 1.

Tongue (15 AC) - damaging it will reset the progress of Extend Tongue

Att: Smash x2, Extend Tongue

Smash - 3d6 damage. If a 6 appears on any of the dice, save vs paralysis or stunned for one round. With 1, save vs paralysis or flung into the cold dark water.

Extend Tongue - On the third turn the Salmonsnake’s tongue is fully extended and will force a save vs death on a random enemy in range.

Lord of the Flies
5+3 HD, AC 14 (thick fur)

Horrid stench - at the beginning of combat every opponent must make a save vs poison or become nauseated, suffering d4 points of damage, a penalty of -2 to hit and halved speed for the duration of the encounter.

Orders - Attacks are nonlethal. Upon incapacitating an opponent the lord of flies will drag them to a faraway locked cage.

Att: Hairy Palm
Hairy palm - d8+3 damage. Target must make a maneuver check vs 16 or get grabbed. Grabbed targets take automatic damage at the beginning of lord of flies' every round. At most two targets can be grabbed.

Variant rule - an open cage can be nearby to the encounter. If a grab succeeds or if an opponent is reduced to 0hp, the lord of the
flies will toss them inside the cage which will automatically close behind them.

Valteil the Enlightened One (WIP)
not sure about the HD lol

Life crafter - Valteil can create artificial life forms which serve and protect him.

Academic - A character can engage Valteil in a contest of knowledge as if it was an actual physical fight. Valteil will ask horribly obscure lore questions, taking damage if answered correctly, dealing damage if not.

Right and left brain (make them sturdy) - Destruction of the right brain prevents Valteil from casting spells, and the left brain from Headbutting.

Third eye (not quite as tanky) - prevents the use of Whispers of Destruction

Att: Headbutt, Whispers of Destruction; Magic Missile OR Cause Wounds

Headbutt - every enemy must save or take d6 damage

Magic missile - conjures 4 missiles which hit automatically for d6+1 damage each

Cause Wounds - One target takes 5d6+5 damage, half on a save. If failed, save again or one random limb is mangled and blown off.

Whispers of Destruction - At the end of every 3th turn of the fight a random party member dies.

Lizardman
3+2 HD, 16 AC (chestplate, scales and shield)

Cruel - Enjoys torturing and skinning alive

Riposte - Can retaliate with a crude sword attack to any blow aimed his way.

Shield (8hp 16 AC) - prevents riposte and decreases ac by 1 when destroyed

Att: Crude Sword, Natural Attack

Crude Sword - d8+2 damage. On a hit with an even number target saves or is disarmed, with an odd number target saves or is knocked prone

Natural Attack (poison tongue or tail whip) - d6+2 damage. On a hit with an even number target saves or takes extra d6 poison damage, with an odd number target saves or is in agony for d2 rounds.

Guard
4+1 HD, 13 AC (thick skin)

Despicable - enjoys sexual assault, butchery and gluttony

Dull - easily tricked, for example will not pay you any mind if you're dressed in a guard outfit

Cleaver (4hp 12 AC) - Disarmed guards can not use cleaver attacks.

Stinger (4hp, 12 AC) - If destroyed, the guard can no longer make Stinger attacks.

Att: Cleaver OR tackle

Cleaver - d10+2 damage. Hit target saves or loses a limb. On an attack result divisible by 4 the guard makes a Stinger attack

Tackle - d6+1 damage. Hit target saves or is knocked prone. On an attack result divisible by 4 the guard makes a Stinger attack

Stinger - 2d6 damage. Disgusting.

Variant rule - a guard may carry a ballista rather than a cleaver. To disarm them of it, one must deal 10 damage at AC15 to the weapon. A guard armed with such a weapon has their Cleaver attack replaced with the following one:

Ballista - 3d6+2 damage. On an attack result divisible by 4 the guard makes a Stinger attack.

Cavegnome
1 hp, 14 AC (agility)

KAAW KAAW - At the end of every round the gnomes sound a cry for help, causing d4 reinforcement cavegnomes to arrive

Milk affinity - A splash of yellow milk dissuades all cavegnomes from fighting.

Att: gnaw
Gnaw: d4 damage. On max damage, the target saves or gets an infection.

Crow Mauler
10 HD, 16 AC (blessing of the depths)

Pursuer - Knows the direction to the party as long as they remain in the dungeon.

Invincible - can only be hurt in close quarters. Can not be hurt by ranged attacks or traps.

Att: Maul, Peck OR Flock of Crows

Maul - 2d10+2 damage. Hit target saves or has the bones of a random limb broken.

Peck - Made at -4 to hit. Hit target has their head ripped off. A heavy helm allows a save, breaking on a success.

Flock of Crows - d6 damage. Hit target saves or has their eyes ripped out.

Variant rule - On the second encounter with the mauler he will have no arms remaining, however gaining an extra head in return. Can not make the Maul attack, can use an extra Peck or Flock of Crows in a round.

Maneba
1 HD, 12 AC (floating)

Psychic - Possesses an unexpected level of intelligence and mental power. Can float a few feet off the ground and communicate telepathically.

Scavenger - Consumes carrion, but prefers draining the life force of living creatures

Swinging limbs - Only forced movement or the maneba giving up allows escape from melee with it.

Att: Tentacle Whip d4 times

Tentacle Whip - d4 damage. On max damage, the target saves or gets injected with parasites.